In this time of stress, anxiety and uncertainty what did being
diagnosed with HIV back in 1997 teach me? What skills do I have that I can apply
to help me remain a survivor?
I am in no way trying to compare HIV to our current
situation or even suggest that the HIV epidemic is the same as COVID 19.
Last night I could not sleep as my mind took over and I began
to contemplate all that was happening in the world as the COVID 19 epidemic
takes hold of our every thought. I began to question and delve back in time to
what worked and what did not to stay positive and the tools I gained to become
a survivor of the HIV epidemic when the narrative back then was all doom and
gloom. At the time I was diagnosed HIV positive in January 1997 the only
possible outcome was death, according to the medical fraternity and everything
I knew back then. Yet, somehow I overcame this reality and today at 61 I am
still alive, healthy and blessed. How did I manage this? What are the lessons I
learned that I can apply to the situation we are all facing right now?
I have no doubt in my mind that this could be considered worse
on so many levels compared to HIV. But here is the first ray of light. With HIV
due to stigma and discrimination most people dealt with it in isolation, alone,
afraid with nobody to talk to. Today we can stand together, we are all in the
situation and it will affect us all in a number of ways, be it health-wise,
economically or emotionally this is a burden we all have to endure. Even as I
type this I have received two bits of news that would be enough to force me
into the depth of despair. My one daughter who works as a social worker at a
retirement village is classified as an essential service and has to face the
danger of going to work throughout the lockdown placing her and her young
family at additional risk. My other daughter works in the hospitality industry
and has been informed that all staff will be placed on unpaid leave starting
from 1 April to 16 April, even if they have over 21 days leave available they
will be unpaid for this period. Economically as a small business the impact on
me personally too is a reality. Every one of us can share similar stories as we
all face this together. With HIV I
felt isolated, alone believing I could not share this with anyone. It would
have been so easy to just give in and give up but I never did! So allow me to
share some of my thoughts on what helped me overcome the despair and in my
heart of hearts I trust this might help us all to use these tools as we need
them more now than ever before.
Have your own narrative – Focus on positive
thoughts.
Focus on every possible action that keeps your mind in a positive state
of well-being. When doctors said I would
be dead within a few years, all I could focus on was well I am not dead yet. I
am alive. I have today. This moment is all I know. What is in front of me now
and how can I deal with it positively.
I had to adopt an attitude of I cannot change what is not in my
control, but I can focus on what I have control of. I had my mind and at times that
was all I had, it was my choice not to focus on the doom and gloom but the opportunities
and possibilities. The question must be
BUT HOW? How do you do this when all around you the messages are negative and frightening?
Here are 10 steps discovered back then and continue to apply in my life:
Step 1: Focus on factual
information and weed out anything that is false or unknown. Question
everything, read and research what is fact and discard from your mind anything
you don’t have evidence to be true. Become knowledgeable as the unknown leaves one
vulnerable and at risk.
Step 2: Be gentle, loving,
patient and kind with yourself. You
are only human and it is easy to be caught up in moments of doubt and anxiety. It’s
easy to embrace the negativity and fear based information and false news going
around on social media. Admitting you have bought into wrong information and
changing your mind is your right. It does not mean you are weak or over-sensitive,
you’re just human.
Keep questioning your thinking. Do research and find sources of
accurate information.
It was easy for me to listen to all the negative dialogue in South
Africa about ARV’s and the then Health Minsters believe that ARV’s were toxic
and would kill you. We all know now that was utter rubbish. In this time of
COVID 19 the same will happen but be vigilant and seek facts not fiction.
Remember you cannot learn everything at once, so be gentle, loving and kind
with your thoughts as you give yourself time to adjust to all that is
happening.
Step 3: Focus on what you can do
and don’t dwell on what is not in your control. Back then ARV’s cost R18 000
a month and were unavailable through the health systems and medical aids and
like millions of others had no choice but to do other things that we could do.
I could look after my health by focusing on healthy eating, treating
opportunistic infections and seeking the services of a support group. What can
you do right now to mitigate the impact of COVID 19? Take action to reduce your
risk of contracting the virus. Wash your hands, practice social distancing,
ensure you have your chronic medication available, eat healthy to keep your
immune system healthy, speak to family and loved ones and those with a positive
mind-set.
Step 4: Have a WAWA attitude: I had a manager that taught me this
approach to problems. I have called him by his nickname not his real name, so
that for those who know who he is, please don’t disclose as I don’t have his
permission to do that. I was going through a bad time at work and it seemed I
would be getting notice from a number of my clients as a result of the previous
manager’s lack of competence and service delivery and although in no way it was
my fault, I took it personally. In a chat to WAWA I kept saying what if, and he
would reply “and then what’s the worse that can happen”. I tried to explain the
worse I could think of and he simply replied “ok if that happens what is the
worst that can happen” no matter what I threw at him he just kept saying and so
what’s the worse that can happen. Eventually after exhausting all my possible
end-of-world scenarios, I was exhausted and had to laugh. He had exhausted my
negativity and I was able to see that no matter what this too will pass and
tomorrow remains filled with abundance and possibility. So in the same way I
could say to HIV I choose to live and I am alive right now so I can say the
same to COVID 19 right now I choose to live and I am alive. And then what –
What’s the worse that can happen? It’s
not in my control so let me return to what is in my control.
Step 5: Remain in a state of
gratitude: Focus on what you have to be grateful for. Even if it’s seems to
be just a small insignificant thing to be grateful for. Right now as I am typing
this my two Scotties are lying snoring in my office oblivious to what I am
dealing with. I can say thank you for them and for their ability to unknowingly
keeping me in a state of gratitude. Think of family, loved ones, having a home
or shelter, or the fact that right now you are well. The more you do find the
things to be grateful for the more you will discover things to be grateful about
and you will attract gratitude into your heart and mind. So here is a thought, for HIV there remains
no cure. I remain grateful that I have treatment for HIV that enables me to
live a healthy normal life. With COVID 19 most people do recover. Yes many will
die but far more who are infected will get better. The prospects of a vaccine is
hence far more possible for COVID 19 as we will have recovered patients with
antibodies the scientists and medical researchers will be able to work with to
develop a vaccine. Our government has
numerous programmes to mitigate the economic burden. We have a leadership
determined to take action. I am grateful for this and even while it might not
help me directly I am grateful that it might help many others.
Step 6: Use positive affirmations
to dispel negative beliefs and thinking. I watch the panic buying and I
think the sh1#4&t seems to be hitting the proverbial fan according to the
toilet paper hoarders. I walk into the local supermarket and see someone
wearing a mask and am tempted to ask if they are infected or are sick! Back
when HIV started people gave into these fear messages in the same way and
withdrew their life insurances, gave up their jobs and lost all ambition. For me that was simply not a choice, I was
not prepared to go sit in the sand and say; oh woe is me I am going to
die.
Use affirmations as a tool to re-programme your reality. Affirmations
are like seeds planted in the mind, if you keep saying them over and over and
begin to use your imagination to feel the emotions of what that reality will
feel like, they will germinate and grew. Back in the time of HIV I used
affirmation such as the following:
- I am well; my body restores itself to full health.
- All is well in my world
What is your
affirmation at this time?
Let me share a story of a friend called Abraham; one morning he awoke
to the realisation that he was unable to move his limbs. He was later diagnosed
with an immune disease that was attacking his body and organs. His degeneration
was so fast he ended up in ICU within just a few days with no body function.
Unable to even talk he was kept alive on machines. He could hear what was going
on around him but he could not respond at all. It was at an HIV support group
that Abraham arrived in a wheelchair to share his story. He was on the road to
recovery. What hit me hardest was him telling us that when you have nothing
left but you still have your brain you can begin to rebuild your life. He told
us how as he heard the doctors saying he would be a vegetable and would never
recover. His mind just continued to say, “I will walk again”, “I will heal”,
and “I will get better”. Many days when my body was weak and I had nothing left
I still had my brain and with that I just kept my belief and re-affirmed through
my brain that I will recover. My body restores itself to full health. Sitting
in his wheelchair his mind had against all odds achieved in his body what his
brain told it to do.
Step 7: Have a purpose for the
future. Now is the time to dream and plan the future. What will tomorrow
bring, what do I still want to achieve? Make a mind map of your goals and
aspirations. Jot them down and refer back to them if you are filled with doubt.
Without a purpose you are like drift wood in the ocean tossed about and thrown
this way and that as the waves please. Having a purpose keeps you focused and
gives you meaning. I recall thinking I want to walk my daughter down the aisle
on her wedding day. I dreamt of having a grandchild on my knee. I dreamt of
working for myself and being successful at it. I made sure these dreams were
possible, tangible and achievable. These
goals became my anchor and they kept me focused and able to remain positive
through the dark days of despair.
Step 8: Surround yourself with positive
friends and loved ones and remove those who bring you down and don’t serve your
purpose and aspirations. I found a
support network for HIV+ people and they helped me to learn, keep a positive
mind set and remain focused.
I stopped watching everything on social network platforms that did not
uplift or align to my goals. You can remain informed without buying into every
bit of garbage on the internet. Restricting negative messaging, by being
selective about the resources and where the information is coming from. By interrogating everything and stepping back from
false news you will be able to not let these message influence your thinking. I
know bad news sells so I consciously refrained from believing everything as
true and hence making it my reality. I trained my mind to clear out what did
not serve me while remaining knowledgeable and informed. I listened to my inner ding (gut feelings)
about what I needed to know and what had no purpose.
Step 9: What you think and say becomes
your reality: Being mindful of your self-talk is a key step to
reprogramming your mind and your words as they shape your reality and future.
Laughter they say is the best medicine, spending time in nature helps, enjoying
your garden, reading something motivational. Guard your thinking, your emotions
and your feelings as they shape your future. There is researched evidence that
what you think and say is sent out into the universe and returns to you and
manifests itself in your life. The brain is more powerful than we can ever
know. I heard someone say the world will never be the same ever again after
this. Well, that might just be the most positive thing if the change is
positive and nature and balance are replaced with all that was before this
epidemic occurred. What does your future look like? It’s in your hands and more
importantly in your mind you can create it if you wish to. Just because someone else says it so, it does
not have to be your reality. The need to buy and hoard toilet paper does not
have to be your reality, you can choose to wash your butt rather and you won’t
need toilet paper. The use of water in Muslim countries is due in part to
Islamic toilet etiquette which encourages washing after all instances of
defecation. See no need for toilet paper after all. Define your own reality.
Think out of the box and be unique. If you don’t have sanitizer, wash your
hands with soap and water.
Step 10: Take action and take
control: I have heard a saying that when life gives you lemons make
lemonade. Choose to be different. Plan your future. Look after yourself and
those that you care for. Remember we are all in this together.
You don’t have to follow others. If everyone says lets jump off a cliff
do you choose to just blindly follow?
Take actions to prevent contracting COVID 19 now for your health which
include:
- Wash your hands
- When you cough, put the crease of your elbow against your mouth—and if you see someone coughing in a public space, ask them to do it, too. Don't cough over your hands, because your hands end up touching things. That’s general practice—that’s not just for avoiding COVID-19.
- In addition, keeping a cool head is the best option. Don’t panic. Don’t freak out on all the things that are being portrayed in the media right now.
- Manage your other health conditions: Stay on your meds, keep your immune system healthy, keep working out.
- Keep exercising at home to stay fit and healthy
- And, one last time: Wash your hands.
And in the words of my eldest daughter “This too shall pass”. My
question to you is will you come out the other side renewed and a better person
or not? The choice is yours, what are you going to make of this all, it’s in
your hands or more accurately in your mind.
Stay safe, stay strong, with love and light.
Alan Brand
Positively
Alive
www.positivelyalive.co.za
